You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
