I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
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