you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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