He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
