Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
