you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
