i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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