State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
