just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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