Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you would pick up someone in the library
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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