i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
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a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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