i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i think i just lost a toe
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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