he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
