The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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