Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
