He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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