So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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