...so i touched it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
