we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
