the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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