did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
