Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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