i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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