I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
