I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
