I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
