I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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