Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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