I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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