I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
