Will you blow on my dice?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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