Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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