Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize