I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
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i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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