K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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