And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Your penis caused this!
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