Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?