1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
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He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd