so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?