i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
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he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
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Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store