We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins