So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
