Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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