If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
