I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
