Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
