In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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