So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
