At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
