and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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