When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
