Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm sobbing to NWA
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
