ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
