All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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