i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
