dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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