I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
