I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
