Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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