I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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