I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
