Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize