in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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