I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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