my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
